How to tell if the way you form attachments is helping or hurting your relationships

Morning News

The theory surrounding the way adults form attachments is based on research by John Bowlby (1907 – 1990), a British psychoanalyst. He found that the way children react to being left alone has an impact on the way adults react or behave in ways to prevent different forms of abandonment.

Relationship expert Love McPherson describes the four distinct “attachment styles” and how to identify any that you should change in order to develop the kind of relationships you want.

Do you see yourself in Love’s descriptions?

“1. SECURE ATTACHMENT A Secure Attachment Style is #relationshipgoals! Unfortunately, not many people have it. Secure Attachments respect boundaries, offer emotional support and are overall healthy. They aren’t perfect, but they usually know how to recover from conflict well.

2. ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT Persons with Anxious Attachment fear breakup, so they micromanage their mate’s cues. Their insecurities can cause them to be clingy, threaten to leave, be controlling and have angry outbursts. Many lose their relationships due to their own negative behavior, not because they were unwanted. 

3. DISMISSIVE ATTACHMENT Dismissive Attachment are those emotionally unavailable people. Most couldn’t depend on their parents as children and often model their parent’s lack of support as adults. They are overly independent, shut down easily, and avoid close connections even when they like you.

4. FEARFUL ATTACHMENT Fearful Attachment is like the combo meal of Attachment Styles. It’s the Anxious and Dismissive Attachments combined into one. Fearful Attachments are so afraid of being hurt until they run from the love they so desperately desire. They will chase you down for a relationship and run from you when you allow yourself to be caught. You rarely know if they truly like you or not.” 

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